not just? SUBCONSCIOUS,

I dint believe till yesterde tat feelingz cud get de better of you;t was difficult 2 believe;a person lke me with an immature indifference towards emotions and very much unable to comprehend the discussionz revolving around bonds stimulating our purpose in life.
For over a decade from the moment i came to senses; i dont know the exact reason ,call it premonition or procrastination on ma part to accept lyfe as was offered. I used to act lke any other rational narcissist,nevertheless satiating the wantingz of my individuality.But through years,sensed the yearningz for a still better individual myte b due to genetic,psychological,social,monotonous and most importantly human, factors.
My utter idealistic attitude towards lyfe had given way to gradual monotonity further leading to lousy results;all the more helping me discover the destined prized possession n ma lyfe.I was so mch attached to it that i did actually cling n 2 it, n cry 4 i knew t woldn't stay by me 4 long;My apprehensions were fed by ample f direct reasons stated by my possession.Still i converted them to indirect reasons ,coz my possession was trying hard to bid adieu to the reasonz and in the process i had partially lost ma individuality;for i had moulded these reasonz ,which had never ever mattered to me more over my attachment, in ma mind to get de better f ma mind thus serving to strengthen my negatives;Nevertheless attachment made me see everything very beautiful.
I was ever-ready to do away with all the direct reasons just to held on to my prized possession,but in vain;It(possession) had set its own reasons for itz withdrawal.There z nothing now i fear to lose and no effort so unturned ;i am trying my best so that i wud gve a chance 2 maself to rephrase "if only i had....".
Yesterde i had lost it.